


So Maybe Ron has the Right Idea

by nonky



Series: So Maybe Series [8]
Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M, Ron the zoo security guard, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 12:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Ron, the night guard at the zoo, helps Nathaniel decide how to handle Rebecca's return to work.





	So Maybe Ron has the Right Idea

Nathaniel Plimpton III glanced at the man washing his hands a little further down in the industrial-sized sink in the zoo kitchens. Ron gave him a nod and they both flicked their wet hands before drying off carefully. 

Ron's uniform was a functional short sleeve, but Nathaniel had shed his leather jacket and rolled up his cuffs past his elbows. He reached for the encompassing paper gowns they wore to protect their clothes and to protect the panda cubs from any germs. 

Ron wasn't much for conversation, but Nathaniel didn't mind the short responses as he laid out his Rebecca dilemma. She had swept into his office like a conquering heroine in a romantic comedy about women going on unrealistically long vacations and getting their groove back. She had smelled amazing, looked great and been smiling happily at him as if he'd be thrilled to see her.

"She dumped me," he said bluntly. "And I know, I know what you're thinking. She had good reasons. She needed to get well. No one is happier than I am Rebecca didn't die that day. I will be eternally grateful she called the flight attendant over and the ambulance got to her in time."

Ron gave a solemn nod. He was patiently mixing the formula, eyes on the measuring cups to be certain the cubs were given all their proper nutrition. He handed off one small bottle to Nathaniel, who took it and started shaking it in rhythm to his pacing. 

"Being with her for a few weeks was amazing, and then losing her was hellish. I'm not sure she even noticed I was upset. I mean, she legitimately had life or death issues on her mind. I'm not insensitive to that."

Ron quirked an eyebrow, so Nathaniel kept going. He'd never noticed what a good listener the guy was before. Trips to the zoo used to be about solitude, but sometimes he liked walking the rounds with the night guard. 

"But it can't all be about her, you know? She shows up in my office thinking she's just going to come back like nothing happened - like there's not even anything to discuss," Nathaniel said angrily. 

"Fuck her, man," Ron nodded sagely.

Stopping mid-step, he turned and shook his head. "No! You've got it wrong. I'm angry and I don't want to be angry. I want closure. I want to move on with my life - with Mona. I wish Rebecca well, somewhere not right in front of my face where I can see her but she doesn't think we can be together."

The guard gave a minor shrug, and his face had just the right amount of concerned sympathy. "I'm sorry man, that sucks."

"Yeah, it does suck. She sucks for showing up, looking great, ovulating all over my law firm and suing me to get her job back."

Ron was wiping down the second bottle, and paused to frown in confusion. "How do you know she's ovulating," he asked carefully.

"Our other co-worker told me. She's trying to have a baby with him, even though he'd technically go back to being her boss if she gets her way," Nathaniel said bitterly. "Seems like something I deserved to hear directly, right? No, I get to find out with everyone else at work - and she doesn't even work there anymore."

The panda nursery had one comfortable chair and Nathaniel was in the mood to pace, so he took his swaddled cub and walked with Xian Liwu in his arms. It wasn't that he'd wanted to have a baby anytime soon. The whole situation was absurd, and it felt like he was the only voice of reason questioning how Rebecca donating an egg to Darryl solved more complications than it potentially created.

"I'd be thrilled for Darryl to get his chance at having a baby," he said sincerely. "I would be delighted to see anyone who really feels they can be a good parent get that chance. Except those two are not a rational couple. Rebecca is taking all these hormones, and we keep having these sexy arguments that leave me dangling on her emotional instability."

Ron was bobbing his panda cub, Zhen Zhen. He looked up to nod. "You could have a baby with Mona."

Nathaniel sighed. "It's not about me wanting a baby, or about Mona. Rebecca doesn't want to have my baby. She wants to have Darryl's baby. She's perfectly happy climbing me like a tree but she chose to propagate his genes. You should see this guy! Nice guy, but I have zero family history of corrective lenses. I had a 4.0 GPA and perfect attendance from my first day of Kindergarten to my last day at Stanford Law. I have at most a two percent chance of adult onset diabetes. Darryl's moustache is like a war crime!"

Carefully transferring the panda cub to his shoulder, Ron tapped the baby animal on the back until it let out a belch.

"It sounds like Rebecca is confused," he said. "It sounds like a confusing time for everyone."

"It's a shitty time to have a baby," Nathaniel agreed. "I don't even think she wants a baby. I know I don't. I like these little guys, but I don't even want a baby panda."

Ron blinked at the way he had the cub pulled all the way up to be nose-to-nose over the dwindling bottle, one little paw planted on his jaw.

"I think you might need to decide to ignore Rebecca and her new boyfriend," he said, lowering his cub to his lap. "Focus on Mona and see where that can go."

"I would love to focus on Mona, but I still need a job. If Rebecca wins her suit she can fire me. The only reason I moved from New York was to work at that office with her."

"You followed her from New York?" Ron sounded alarmed, and he moved to put Zhen Zhen back in the playpen the pandas shared.

Nathaniel mentally replayed his previous words. "Not in a crazy way," he said immediately. "Rebecca is actually a good lawyer and she was improving the firm. It seemed like a good career move."

Ron still looked a little nervous, but he took the empty bottles to wash them. "Maybe she wants to get back to being professional, too? Xiao Liuw needs to be burped. Want me to do it?"

"No, I can do it." Nathaniel saw the way the guard hesitated in the doorway and sighed. "I'm not going to steal a panda."

"I know. I just - I don't know what I can say to help you, man."

Once the pandas were put back to bed, Nathaniel shoved his hands in his pockets. He was feeling a little awkward with the amount of oversharing he'd subjected Ron to that night. It was a lot to process. "Hey, I can go," he offered. 

"Nah, it's fine. I might have something else you can help me with," Ron told him. "One of the lions had a dentist appointment during feeding time and I have to give him his dinner. It's hella fun throwing meat down to a lion."

It was a lot of fun throwing meat to the large male lion. Nathaniel learned they answered to their names, though M'bari had been sleeping off his post-dentist drugs alone in his private enclosure. The big male was quick to catch the meat, though he snarled a bit uncomfortably as he chewed. 

"Three fillings," Ron said.

"I hear you buddy," Nathaniel called down. "Don't let them change who you are! You're a predator; king of the jungle. Show them who's boss."

He was a predator, too, with sharp teeth and the ability to defend himself. He didn't need to be this sentimental mess. He could take control of his life and remind everyone they'd once trembled at his idle glares as he walked past them to his office. He was virile and strong. Waiting for Rebecca's next erratic move to take him off guard didn't suit him. 

She was primed to be hunted. Nathaniel's quiet dates with Mona were nice, but he was tired of pretending he was domesticated. This was the example he needed. M'bari had his females, but he was his own man. They responded to his power and his temper, not the other way around.

"Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"This was exactly what I needed," Nathaniel said. "Thank you."

Unlike some overly dramatic people he could name, Ron gave a cool guy nod. "You're welcome."


End file.
